From The Diplomad:
"One of our Diplomads attended a Canadian National Day reception, July 1, at a major hotel in a large city in the Far Abroad. It was a standard evening dip reception, to wit, carved ice swan, gummy canapes, warm drinks, and lots of inane banter among several hundred milling guests. Canadians are generally gracious hosts and traditionally hard to distinguish from their southern neighbors -- until they say "out" or "house," that is. But of late, and certainly at this event, they seem determined to ensure that there is no confusion, that the definition of Canada is "We're not the USA." At this reception, our Diplomad got cornered by a slightly tipsy Canadian aid worker (CIDA) who proceeded to give a weird version of US-Canadian relations which involved an apparently widely held Canadian view that Canada has defeated the United States in war, "We are the only the country to have defeated the United States in two declared (sic) wars." Our Diplomad, being a diplomat, held his tongue and didn't get into the details of these wars, such as noting that, yes, the Americans and British on several occasions fought battles in what is now Canada, and, yes, Americans lost some but won others, and in the end the Americans gained their independence (The Revolutionary War) and then successfully kept it (War of 1812.) Our noble Diplomad didn't launch into a description of Perry's victory on the Great Lakes over a "Canadian" invasion fleet or Old Hickory's victory over the "Canadian" army at New Orleans. Our Diplomad -- gracious, as are all our Diplomads -- limited his riposte to the ever polite, "Any time you want a rematch, let us know.""
