From CommonDreams.org:
Today, I am resigning as President of the United States because I have compromised the trust of my constituents.
"Several months ago, I publicly declared my innocence because I was not strong enough to face the truth.
"So, I misled my family, staff, friends, colleagues, the public -- even myself.
"For all of this, I am deeply sorry.
"The truth is -- I broke the law, concealed my conduct, and disgraced my high office.
"I know that I will forfeit my freedom, my reputation, my worldly possessions, and most importantly, the trust of my friends and family.
"Some time ago, I asked my lawyers to inform the special war crimes prosecutor that I would like to plead guilty and begin serving a prison term.
"Today is the culmination of that process.
"I will continue to cooperate with the government's ongoing investigation to the best of my ability.
"In my life, I have known great joy and great sorrow.
"And now I know great shame."
(April Fool)
From CommonDreams.org: